Getting Job-ed
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV
Oh, the heated debates this passage can bring up! Especially from verse 22-24! That’s not what I’m here to do today. However, what I’m here to do is to call out all the men to be better men next year. Here is a resolution for all the men out there.
The Call
The debate over this passage would more than likely resolve itself if folks just had careful eyes while reading this and not just assume that Paul is an oppressive monster. The passage gives the bigger challenge to men: to love your wives as Christ loves the Church and how He gave Himself up for her. The concept is this: Christ loved the church in such a way that He died for her, in order to make her clean and presentable to himself. A lot can be spoken of regarding this passage, but the point of this address is to call men to sacrificially give themselves for their families.
Give your wife and your family a reason to respect you. Give yourself to and for your family. Don’t follow the hype of the “best life now” or other things that waste so much time. Before you even give yourself to your kids (as the culture says that kids are the most important aspect of marriage), Scripture says to love your wives in such a way that reflects His love for the Church. Your goal should be that your kids see how much you love your wife and that this ultimately shows them Christ and His Church. This will help them grow up with a proper understanding of the priorities in Biblical marriage. Thus, helping a boy grow up to be a man (how offensive that is today!) and to love His wife as Christ loves the Church. It shows a girl what kind of man to search for, how to be loved by a man, and to show her what a respectful marriage looks like.
How to Love
True love comes from a proper understanding of love. God defines love, not culture. God is love (1 John 4:8), so His definition of love is paramount. True biblical love is to see God for who He is and to praise Him for who He is. The purpose of God is to uphold what is most infinitely valuable, namely, Himself and His glory. To not do that, would be unjust and unloving.
To love properly is to help your family see more of Christ. This involves leading them in their beliefs. Take charge of the Spiritual direction of your family! And yet, not in a domineering way. Read Scripture with them, pray with them, talk about God to them, and teach them about true Love. Show them what is truly lovely: God Himself. Your beliefs cannot just be head-knowledge: your beliefs need to drive and change your actions. Thus, learning who God is should change your concepts of love, sacrifice, mercy, grace, forgiveness, and justice. This should lead to outward change visible to your family. This change should be felt by your family.
Love your Wife
Love her. Serve her. Put her needs above your own. Sacrifice for her emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Die for her. Let this radiate out from your marriage as the ministry God intends it to be. When learning to truly sacrifice for your wife and through showing her who God is through you, you will feel what a truly fulfilling marriage feels like. Once the joy is felt, let the addiction grow. Become obsessed with this love for your wife (yet never to overpower your love for God!). You will begin to love her in ways you never dreamed of. You will feel what a truly satisfying marriage can really feel like. This satisfaction will be both for you and your wife!
You will never be perfect, but be intentional.
Practical
About six years ago my wife and I were in a tough place in our marriage. We weren’t on the verge of divorce or anything like that, but stale and isolated may be good words to use. I heard a pastor teach about men becoming the leader of the spiritual direction of the family and it really did challenge me.
We instituted practical little changes: reading Scripture together and praying together before we fell asleep. I can’t say how truly impactful those two little actions had been for our family. And that was just the start of making conscious decisions to pursue and attempt to love her like Christ loves the church. Never perfect! But being intentional. I can honestly say our marriage is stronger than it’s ever been. Who knew that over ten years into marriage our love could be so much more than when we first were married! The only answer I have is that we have been and are still growing toward Love Himself.
What do you say guys, are you up for the challenge?
-Austin
