Bitterness- Five reflections to help us in our journey of healing

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors… For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.” Matthew 6:12, 14-15 CSB

Bitterness is such an infectious emotion we have. It’s detrimental to us and our outlook on others. We’ve all been hurt by people, more than likely, by people close to us and people we love. So the real question is, how do we not be bitter?  I can think of at least five reflections and goals that will help us on our journey of healing from bitterness.

1. Our outlook on our own sin. At our core, we hate God (Romans 8:5-8) and this is the worst sin of all. We are the worst sinners of all. So, when we read passages like Ephesians 2:1-8 in how dead we were and then by God’s miraculous grace we became alive, this shows us that it’s a miracle we were even able to be forgiven. This has to help us to see that it’s a miracle then to forgive others for things they’ve done. We need help in this process, this isn’t just a ‘try harder’ campaign- it takes a miracle to forgive others. God forgave us, the worst of sinners, He can forgive others for that sin and sin against us, and He can help us forgive them as well.
2. Our need for forgiveness. Matthew 7:3-5 CSB: “Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.” We’ve got a beam of wood in our own eye. As people, we tend to downplay our own sin and elevate those of others. Jesus wants us to work the other way around. Forgiveness is very much a heart issue- our heart issue. 
3. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetfulness. When I’ve burned myself on a hot stove, do I stay angry at the stove the rest of my life? No. Do I put my hand back on that stove? ABSOLUTELY NOT! The same goes with forgiveness: we are called to forgive, but do we walk right back into the same scenario that burned us? No. Matthew 7:6 CSB: “Don’t give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces.” There are times, not all the time, but times when cycles of bitterness occur because we keep getting burned. Stop putting your hand on that stove- break that cycle.
4. Our forgiveness hinges on us forgiving others. Matthew 6:14-15 CSB: “For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.” Our forgiving of others really matters, this is a big deal. 
5. Pray for God to help us. Mark 9:24 CSB: “Immediately the father of the boy cried out, ‘I do believe; help my unbelief!’” We need God to change us, we need to pray for Him to change us and help our unbelief. Let’s say it’s not just forgiveness necessarily that we deal with but just bitterness in general (to the world, etc.), we need to pray that God can open our eyes to His all-satisfying worth and beauty. Life is not going to give us anything that will truly satisfy us, and a lot of times in life our bitterness comes from that (I feel like that anyway). God is about being our treasure that we found in a field, that we hid, and sold all that we had in our joy to buy the field to have that treasure (see the treasure parable in Matthew 13:44-46).

God truly can heal us from our lack of forgiveness and from our bitterness. He is the God of the universe, infinite in power! He can handle this. This may take time and a lot of pain, but He can do this. Have faith friends!

-Austin